{"id":7331,"date":"2010-04-03T07:00:31","date_gmt":"2010-04-03T06:00:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/baseballgb.co.uk\/?p=7331"},"modified":"2010-04-10T12:37:28","modified_gmt":"2010-04-10T11:37:28","slug":"out-of-left-field-violence-italics-a-complete-lack-of-real-news","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/baseballgb.co.uk\/?p=7331","title":{"rendered":"Out of Left Field: Violence! Italics! A complete lack of real news!"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"MlbHlSq\"Has real baseball started yet? Spring training was fine for a while, but I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m now well and truly ready for some baseball that actually matters. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m even getting tired of saying I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m tired of waiting for some real baseball. And I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sure you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re getting tired or reading of people getting tired of\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6oh, you get the picture.<\/p>\n

If nothing else, from Opening Day on, there will be something of substance for your faithful columnist to write about, so he will no longer have to scour the internet for the tiniest of comedy sporting scraps. So, there you have it. The baseball season needs to start already, so you good people have something of substance to read from me, rather than this blithering and blathering each week. I mean, what was last week\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s post all about?<\/a><\/p>\n

So, what have I got for you hardy souls still reading this nonsense, then? Well, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve tried the sex angle with \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcMore Ozzie, More Knuckleballs, Added Lingerie<\/a>\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sure the dirtier minds among you thought \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcDouble Fantasy<\/a>\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 might be a little saucy.\u00c2\u00a0 So, how about this week we go for a little violence? Think you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re ready for that, huh? Huh?<\/p>\n

Violence (unintentional, our lawyers hasten to add) this week in spring training, as the Minnesota Twins\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Denard Span managed to hit his own mother with a foul ball<\/a>. Ouch. Luckily she was fine, so we are free to bust out the hilarity guilt-free.<\/p>\n

Span rushed to check his mother was OK straight away, so we can rule out any possible retaliation for getting grounded in his youth. However, I bet there will be some awkward scenes at the next Span family gathering. How do you deal with hitting your own mother<\/em>? She should confiscate his bat, really, she should. Naughty boy<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Fancy more violence, you gorehounds? Well I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m glad you chorused \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes! We want blood and\/or guts!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d as I have some further bloodshed for you, this time of the intentional variety. Jeff Francoeur is developing an interesting motivational strategy<\/a> for his fellow Mets, this week revealing that, in order to help pitcher Mike Pelfrey step up his intensity, he will try the following:<\/p>\n

“I think what I’m going to do before each start is just go up and just punch him in the face.”<\/p>\n

Sadly, if you follow the link, that writer has already used the gag that Francouer would probably swing and miss. As a loyal Mets fan, I wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t go for such a cheap joke like that. No, never<\/em>. But I might suggest to Francouer that punching your team mates in the face might not be a means of getting the best out of them. However, if his season starts badly, I might encourage him, as sooner or later someone will hit him right back.<\/p>\n

And, thinking about it, it might help the Mets on their quest for accumulating the longest disabled list in the history of baseball. Which is probably the only title they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll win this year. Boom-tish<\/em>.<\/p>\n

On that horrible note, I think I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll end it there. You people have suffered enough. But not for much longer folks, pretty soon there will be real, genuine baseball to soothe your pain and all will be right with the world. Until you read next week\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s missive, that is. Believe me, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s going to even more<\/em> painful. With even more<\/em> italics.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Has real baseball started yet? Spring training was fine for a while, but I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m now well and truly ready for some baseball that actually matters. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m even getting tired of saying I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m tired of waiting for some real baseball. And I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sure you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re getting tired or reading of people getting tired of\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6oh, you get the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[110,108],"class_list":["post-7331","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mlb-2","tag-minnesota-twins","tag-new-york-mets"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/baseballgb.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7331","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/baseballgb.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/baseballgb.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/baseballgb.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/11"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/baseballgb.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7331"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/baseballgb.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7331\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7488,"href":"https:\/\/baseballgb.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7331\/revisions\/7488"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/baseballgb.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7331"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/baseballgb.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7331"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/baseballgb.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7331"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}