Home MLB Out of Left Field – More Ozzie, More Knuckleballs, Added Lingerie

Out of Left Field – More Ozzie, More Knuckleballs, Added Lingerie

by Steve Keene

MlbHlSqBad week at work? Well, unless you’ve been caught up in a narcotics scandal, your week probably hasn’t been half as bad as that of Texas Rangers’ manager, Ron Washington. As you’ve probably heard by now, it finally emerged that he tested positive for cocaine in July last year. Add to that rumours of blackmail, and we obviously a shocking story. So, who should we turn to in these troubling times? I think the only option is to turn to this column’s spiritual guide, Chicago White Sox manager, Ozzie Guillen, and find out what he has to say on the matter. This is well worth quoting in full, and not just to boost up my word count. Honestly.

“We’re not invisible. It’s one of those things that makes you shake your head and say, ‘It can happen to anyone.’ One thing about it, it ain’t going to happen to me, I guarantee you that. I grew up in some bad stuff, I know how that stuff is so bad. I support him. He made a mistake. I’m not saying he did the right thing, but in the meanwhile, we can’t turn our back against him. They know Major League Baseball isn’t playing around. They’re serious about it.”

And then here’s the kicker. Wait for it.

“As long as they don’t check for Vodka and Corona I’ll be fine.”

Great to see our Ozzie bring some thoughtful analysis to this. I guess Washington should have stuck to the hard booze, rather than trying the hard drugs, eh?

Texas Rangers’ third baseman Michael Young was one of my fantasy baseball mainstays last year, in that he managed to stay healthy and not be completely hopeless. With that in mind, I was always going to have a soft spot for the guy. But now, he’s in line for any possible future Out of Left Field Hall of Fame (now how’s that for an egocentric idea?). In training this past week Young popped up on the mound and broke out his stuff. And here’s the really good bit. He threw the greatest of all pitches – yes, you guessed it – the KNUCKLEBALL! I can’t get enough of that crazy pitch, and I can’t get enough of these stories of players goofing off, and y’know, seeming human. Good work, Michael.

Lord knows there’s not enough baseball merchandise out there. We really need some more, don’t we? Well, MLB and Victoria’s Secret have come together to help us out. Thank goodness. But let’s not get carried away with thoughts of a Nationals negligee, Los Angeles Angels lingerie or a San Francisco Giants g-string (oh, alliteration, the friend of the tired writer! However, I drew the line at a Baltimore Bra. Oh). No, I’m afraid this stuff is even worse. We’ve got ourselves some cutesy stuff with some horrible slogans, including the choice “I only kiss Padres fans”. Imagine if someone caught you wearing that (presuming you’re a lady, if not, well, we all have our weekend activities, right?) and that person knew nothing about baseball. They would think you had some bizarre religious kink or something. I think even if they knew the Padres were a baseball team, they would probably think you were pretty weird. I mean, who’d kiss a Padres fan?

Anyway, make your correspondent’s day and do leave a comment. It’s great to hear from y’all. If you’re feeling really kind, let me know about any fun, silly or strange stories you’ve come across this week. Let’s make this corner of the web our little community of baseball fans who like the weird and wonderful. We’ll virtually group-hug and everything.

Have a good week, until next week.

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Russell Dyas March 20, 2010 - 12:49 pm

Yes reading some of the female baseball bloggers.

It seems the MLB and Victoria’s Secret collection has not been a hit with the female baseball fans.

There was one blogger who made comment of this is what guys would want to buy for female baseball fans.


Steve Keene March 21, 2010 - 12:09 pm

I’m not surprised that collection hasn’t been a hit – it’s incredibly patronising, and beyond that, well, a bit cheap and horrible looking. I’m sure most female baseball fans would be happier in ‘standard’ garb rather than that nonsense. When I first found the link I did expect so much better.

Thanks for the comment, by the way, much appreciated!

Joe Gray March 21, 2010 - 4:22 pm

I’m still patiently awaiting the day we see another AL Wester – Ichiro – take the mound in a regular-season game. It would instantly become my all-time favourite moment in sport, supplanting Bobby Boucher’s touchdown pass to the quarterback to win the Bourbon Bowl for the Mud Dogs in the 1990s.

Matt Smith March 21, 2010 - 7:47 pm

I see Ozzie told his son to quit his job with the White Sox after his tweets caused a stir. Oney Guillen is officially a ‘Twitter casualty’. As always, Ozzie explained it in his normal fashion:

“It was myself [who] made that decision for them because … I don’t want to come here every day and feel uncomfortable about anything. What’s today, the 20th? It’s time to talk about how good [Jake] Peavy is, how good [Gordon Beckham] is and how good my ballclub is going to play. Everyone should be behind us and hopefully in November, we’re celebrating with a [bleeping] trophy and have a nice book about how this season began.”

Let’s hope Ozzie’s the one who writes the book. That would be worth reading.

Steve Keene March 22, 2010 - 11:03 am

Joe – Ichiro taking the mound would be a sight to behold. Hopefully one day the Mariners will make some sort of horrible mistake with their line-up and Ichiro will have his chance!

Matt – A book from Ozzie really would be something else, wouldn’t it? It’s almost worth rooting for the White Sox, if we get that at the end of the season.


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