Bad week at work? Well, unless youâ€™ve been caught up in a narcotics scandal, your week probably hasnâ€™t been half as bad as that of Texas Rangersâ€™ manager, Ron Washington. As youâ€™ve probably heard by now, it finally emerged that he tested positive for cocaine in July last year. Add to that rumours of blackmail, and we obviously a shocking story. So, who should we turn to in these troubling times? I think the only option is to turn to this columnâ€™s spiritual guide, Chicago White Sox manager, Ozzie Guillen, and find out what he has to say on the matter. This is well worth quoting in full, and not just to boost up my word count. Honestly.
“We’re not invisible. It’s one of those things that makes you shake your head and say, ‘It can happen to anyone.’ One thing about it, it ain’t going to happen to me, I guarantee you that. I grew up in some bad stuff, I know how that stuff is so bad. I support him. He made a mistake. I’m not saying he did the right thing, but in the meanwhile, we can’t turn our back against him. They know Major League Baseball isn’t playing around. They’re serious about it.â€
And then hereâ€™s the kicker. Wait for it.
â€œAs long as they don’t check for Vodka and Corona I’ll be fine.”
Great to see our Ozzie bring some thoughtful analysis to this. I guess Washington should have stuck to the hard booze, rather than trying the hard drugs, eh?
Texas Rangersâ€™ third baseman Michael Young was one of my fantasy baseball mainstays last year, in that he managed to stay healthy and not be completely hopeless. With that in mind, I was always going to have a soft spot for the guy. But now, heâ€™s in line for any possible future Out of Left Field Hall of Fame (now howâ€™s that for an egocentric idea?). In training this past week Young popped up on the mound and broke out his stuff. And hereâ€™s the really good bit. He threw the greatest of all pitches â€“ yes, you guessed it â€“ the KNUCKLEBALL! I canâ€™t get enough of that crazy pitch, and I canâ€™t get enough of these stories of players goofing off, and yâ€™know, seeming human. Good work, Michael.
Lord knows thereâ€™s not enough baseball merchandise out there. We really need some more, donâ€™t we? Well, MLB and Victoriaâ€™s Secret have come together to help us out. Thank goodness. But letâ€™s not get carried away with thoughts of a Nationals negligee, Los Angeles Angels lingerie or a San Francisco Giants g-string (oh, alliteration, the friend of the tired writer! However, I drew the line at a Baltimore Bra. Oh). No, Iâ€™m afraid this stuff is even worse. Weâ€™ve got ourselves some cutesy stuff with some horrible slogans, including the choice â€œI only kiss Padres fansâ€. Imagine if someone caught you wearing that (presuming youâ€™re a lady, if not, well, we all have our weekend activities, right?) and that person knew nothing about baseball. They would think you had some bizarre religious kink or something. I think even if they knew the Padres were a baseball team, they would probably think you were pretty weird. I mean, whoâ€™d kiss a Padres fan?
Anyway, make your correspondentâ€™s day and do leave a comment. Itâ€™s great to hear from yâ€™all. If youâ€™re feeling really kind, let me know about any fun, silly or strange stories youâ€™ve come across this week. Letâ€™s make this corner of the web our little community of baseball fans who like the weird and wonderful. Weâ€™ll virtually group-hug and everything.
Have a good week, until next week.