Author Archives: Steve Keene

Out of Left Field: ‘Rojo’ Johnson for a Cy Young!

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MlbHlSqThe writers here at BaseballGB are a friendly bunch and a giving breed. Just take our very own fantasy baseball expert, Mark George. He was kind enough to pass on a link to a video showing the latest pitching sensation, Billy Ray ‘Rojo’ Johnson. Rojo is clearly a man’s man, with a fine moustache. He is also not afraid to take a tasty beverage or two to the mound. This, I applaud.

After seeing his stuff, even in just this very small clip, I would not hesitate to nominate Rojo for a Cy Young award. In the unlikely event that they ask me, of course. I mean, its easy to get caught up on win-loss records and ERA and all that nonsense, but ‘Rojo’ Johnson has got something else, something that evades simple description. Which is why you should all check him out, right now (or at least when you’ve finished this column, eh?). And may I state right now, any resemblance ‘Rojo’ Johnson has to Will Ferrell is purely coincidental, I can assure you.

Some players are keen to help me out with a story too. Just take Ken Griffey Jr, who decided to fall asleep on the job (I guess I should add an allegedly right here, for legal purposes and to feel like some wry ol’ pundit on a current affairs quiz show or something). Baseball’s media got its collective knickers in a twist over the event, with the report suggesting Griffey missed a pinch-hit opportunity as he was out for the count in the clubhouse. Let’s be fair here. Griffey isn’t so junior anymore. When you get older you need to nap. It’s a proven scientific fact. And I’ll tell my boss that the next time I’m passed out on my keyboard at work.

Thinking of moving home? Thinking of starting a new life? Having a mid-life crisis? Massive fan of Kevin Costner? Then I have just the thing for you. The site of the film Field of Dreams is up for sale. Pretty cool, eh? But it does feels a little like cheating to me, buying the ‘dream’off the peg, so to speak. If you want to do this properly, you should really start from scratch, with all the financial and emotional worries that accompany it. You should probably rope in the help of James Earl Jones too. In fact, unless you start hearing voices and having a near breakdown, all in a hair-brained bid to build a complete folly, it doesn’t really count in my book. Costner did it properly. You should too.

But whatever you do, and no matter how crazy things get, don’t become this guy.

Or don’t get as excited as I did my the headline ‘Loss doesn’t deter Madonna baseball hopes‘. What a disappointment that was, finding out the story was all about some university team, rather than the iconic singer making yet another idiosyncratic career decision.

And finally, Positive Spin Public Relations Corner! This week, Dave Howard, Mets Executive Vice President for Business Operations, on the litter problem at Citi Field:

“It’s sort of good now that there is debris to be blown out there. It shows people are spending some money and buying food and drink and enjoying themselves.”

We need more of that kind of positive thinking in baseball. ‘He may have struck out, but that just shows he has a lovely swing’. ‘Blown save? We like to think of it more as giving the fans extra innings, at no extra cost’. I do fear such optimism from a member of the Mets organisation, though. It’s bound to end in tears, isn’t it? In the meantime, as a Mets fan, I’d love to hear Howard’s take on Oliver Perez. I really would.

Well, in the words of those cartoon guys, that’s all folks. As always, I’d love to hear your comments, or hear about any funny stories you’ve come across this week. You can get in touch with me via the box below, or on twitter, or by visiting my dusty little corner of the web. See you next week.

Out of Left Field: The REAL unwritten rules of baseball

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MlbHlSqIt seems this week is all about everything unwritten. Post-election, there’s been plenty of talk about Britain’s unwritten constitution. And as Matt pointed out on Friday, in baseball, the talk is all about the unwritten rules, following Alex Rodriguez running across Dallas Braden’s pitching mound. I decided to get in the spirit of things, by attempting an unwritten column. However, that didn’t seem to work so well, and so later than advertised, here is this week’s Out of Left Field.

Being the relentless investigative journalist that I am, I have uncovered the REAL unwritten rules of baseball, all handily illustrated this week…

  1. Don’t have a complete and total meltdown on live television, like Bruce Drennan, following the Indians defeat to the Blue Jays
  2. Don’t let yourself get tagged out between second and third when you mistakenly think you’ve scored a home run, like the wonderfully monikered Lastings Milledge
  3. Don’t run on the field, and perhaps more importantly, don’t get yourself tasered, like this rather dumb Phillies fan
  4. Don’t then be the second Phillies fan to run on the field in a week, particularly if you are already in possession of illegal drugs and terrible trousers
  5. Don’t kick a chair after blowing a save, breaking your toe and ruling you out for eight weeks, just as the rival for your spot returns from the DL, like Ryan Madson
  6. Don’t be mean to Hank Aaron. Even if you are Willie Mays
  7. Don’t be a Yankees fan, but DO be a Mets fan, it is a lot more fun. You’re more likely to have a wife, drink beer and are less prone to worry. You are more likely to own a gun, though. Which is a worry
  8. Don’t fall victim to terrible fashion choices
  9. Don’t take the day off to win a $1 million video game contest. You just won’t need to, asm you’ll still win the prize that afternoon, after playing the game for just an hour and a half
  10. And on a more serious note…Don’t go to Arizona, until they withdraw their anti-immigrant legislation

Let me know what you think, or if you reckon there are more that need adding. In the meantime, I’ll try to follow the unwritten rules of column writing: Don’t rely on easy list-making exercises and Don’t file your column late week after week…

Out of Left Field: Vote early and vote often!

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MlbHlSqThis column, whilst still relatively young and sprightly, has quickly descended into a series of odd references and  in-jokes that even your loyal correspondent doesn’t really find funny. And so, in this election week, Out of Left Field, asks you, dear reader to vote for your favourite. Legions of vote counters will work around the clock tallying the votes until we have a winner. Or, more likely, a coalition will be formed. Yes, things will just stay the same with me wittering on about funky pitches, silly outfits and ACTS OF HEROISM, as normal.

But, why not play along with this hackneyed device, and choose YOUR favourite.

Vote fashion corner!

The Joe Maddon hoodie saga continues. After being told last week by MLB that hejust wasn’t smart enough wearing his old hoodie, the Tampa Bay Rays manager got a gift in the post. New England Patriots coach, Bill Belichick sent in the mail a brand new, personalised Patriots hoodie for Maddon. I like to think that as this story progresses there will soon be a union of managers across the land refusing to smarten up, a rag-bag army of coaches wandering around looking like they just got out of bed, mumbling under their breath that they’ll wear what they goddamn like and what is goddamn comfortable. As coach of BaseballGB’s finest fantasy side, the mighty Pretzel Vendors, I am making sure I am fully on-trend with a relaxed look of shorts and ill-fitting sweatshirt. I look quite a treat. So, fashion tip of the week for all you aspiring coaches and managers out there – keep it casual guys!

Vote booze!

We must stop this kind of horrible wastage from happening ever again. I have no idea why there were smiling faces after that incident. No idea whatsoever.

Vote Ozzie Guillen!

A massive sigh of relief from me this week, when I discovered that the new MLB Twitter policy, or “strongly worded suggestion”, that MLB personnel do not tweet about non-baseball related matters, does not apply to White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen. This is the kind of leadership we need to see from MLB. I don’t want to hear what some schmuck had for breakfast, but I do want a full and complete account of Ozzie’s life. Stephen Fry has got nothing on our Ozzie.

Vote stupid merchandise!

MLB have truly excelled themselves this week, by signing a deal with the Craftsman brand, a division of Sears, for MLB branded tools. Yes, soon you’ll be able to pick up hand tools, power tools, tool storage and lawn and garden tools and equipment, all branded with your favourite team. Or if your job is shifting manure all day, perhaps you could get a shovel branded with your least favourite team. Which brings me to…

Vote least favourite team!

But who is the most hated team in baseball? The Evil Empire, surely? No, it’s none other than the Cleveland Indians, according to a survey conducted by Nielsen Co. I find it hard to believe there is that much passion surrounding the Indians. Sometimes I forget they even exist. I think Nielson need to look at those figures again. But if Sears reports a run on Cleveland Indians Shit Shovels, we’ll know why…

Vote bizarre stats!

BaseballGB favourite, Wezen-Ball, is timing each and every home run trot around the bases. I have no idea why he is doing this, I can’t see the point, but I have to say that I think it is wonderful. It’s certainly much more fun that some of the esoteric brain-busting stats being collated out there. I hope it catches on and the players get competitive about who can be the fastest and who can be the slowest. I’d like that.

Vote Carlos Silva!

Carlos Silva is really, really good! Remember, you heard it here first. Well, sort of.

Vote ACTS OF HEROISM!

This week, nodody in baseball has averted a terrorist attack, manhandled a mugger or saved 500 orphans from a burning building. Frankly, baseball has been lazy and needs to take a long hard look at itself.

Vote knuckleball!

Andy Pettitte used to throw a knuckeball. They even called him ‘Knucksie’. Then his coaches told him to lay off the pitch. How can the Yankees not be the most hated in team in baseball when they have deprived us of another knuckleballer? Life isn’t fair.

Well, there you have it. Your candidates for this week’s Out of Left Field election. Your vote matters!

Out of Left Field: This column is unwell

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MlbHlSqThe late columnist Jeffrey Bernard was such a notorious boozer and self-proclaimed advocate of living the ‘Low Life’, that often in place of his column was the notice ‘Jeffrey Bernard is unwell’. I was tempted to pull a similar trick with this column, however more along the lines of ‘Steve Keene is stuck in fishnet stockings’. However, I felt, on reflection that wasn’t really in keeping with BaseballGB house style, and was not really an image that I wanted to conjure up for you, dear reader.

So, with that cleared up, and without further ado, here is a late, belated edition of Out of Left Field, filed with my sincerest apologies to those eager for their weekly dose of me trying, and quite often failing, to find the funny in the world of baseball.

Heroism corner this week is like something out of an action movie, with former major league manager Kevin Kennedy tackling a hijacker on a flight from Los Angeles to Florida. Kennedy said:

“”When I stood up, he kind of stared me down,” Kennedy said. “I was in (seat) 2c, so I was in first class, probably four feet from him.  He kind of stared me down, that’s when he said, ‘I’m gonna blow this up, you’re all going to hell with me.’ He threw water at me. Within five seconds, we charged him and took him out.”

Scary, but pretty cool, eh? Just as every flight benefits from having a doctor on board, perhaps it also needs a badass baseballer to keep order if things go awry. Any ideas on which baseball pro, past or present, you would like to back you up in a potential terrorist situation? Answers on a postcard…or…er…the comments box below. Me? I’d go for Ted Fucking Williams.

Not that I’m lazy or anything, but I thought I’d make this column all multimedia and that with a video – take a look at this play. There should be more of this in baseball. I insist.

Tweet of the week here: #Hoodie update – #Rays manager Joe Maddon now allowed to wear hoodie, MLB “re-interprets” ruling.

This is the thin end of the wedge, surely? Where will it end? Whatever happened to sartorial elegance in baseball? Or perhaps I should learn to hug a hoodie? Or try not to make up an entire paragraph with nothing but questions?

And finally, still on a style tip, the return of fashion corner! Due to immense public demand, obviously. This week, hair, and in particular, what is left of Johnny Damon’s hair, now he is sporting a Mohawk. Now, he’s had some dodgy dos in the past, but this must take the proverbial biscuit. I mean, he’s what, 36? 37? Surely he should know better by now. Which, of course, leads to the question, “How old is too old for a Mohawk haircut?” which leads to a further question, “Is a Mohawk haircut ever a good idea?” This, I think, is why the Yankees really are evil. As soon as a man like Damon escapes their rules on hair length and facial hair, he’s bound to go a little crazy. Something should be done. Some sort of style counselling, perhaps.

Out of Left Field: Baseball is too slow, yet quick enough to fight crime

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MlbHlSqSo, are attention spans shortening, or is baseball getting more interminable? First, this timely (geddit?) quote from umpire Joe West, on Red Sox/Yankees games: “It’s pathetic and embarrassing. They take too long to play.” Then this week, those old foes got some competition from the Dodgers and Diamondbacks, who took just short of five hours to finish an 11 inning game, with appearances from a mighty 16 different pitchers. That’s some full-on bullpen action right there.

Bud Selig has weighed in on the issue with “It isn’t the time of game, it’s the pace of the game. That’s my only comment. It’s something we will review.” Which I kind of understand. While umpire supervisor Steve Palermo didn’t hold back at all:

“We’ve got a couple teams — I’m not going to name names, but I think everybody knows who they are — and they’re arrogant. They don’t think this pertains to them. I had a president of one of those ballclubs tell me the system is flawed. I told him, ‘Then how did the 28 other teams conform to what we’re asking except for you and your next-door neighbor that you have a rivalry with?'”

You tell ‘em Steve!

Funny thing is, I can watch a comparable sport like cricket for five hours, no problem (although I suppose at least you get decent breaks every couple of hours). But baseball is a whole lot better when it doesn’t veer into Ben Hur territory. If a game has to be long, it should be because it is an epic, seesawing struggle, not purgatory in sporting form. I’m a busy guy, I don’t think I can often spare five hours for anything. Anyway what’s going on here – are these guys paid by the hour or something?

If watching the Dodgers has the potential to be dull, there’s now also less opportunity to have fun before the game, with the LAPD and security officers now looking to outlaw tailgating prior to games. Opening Day parties in the Dodgers’ parking lot were dispersed, even when alcohol was not present, in an understandably unpopular move. Call me a cynic, but is this a law and order issue, or is this a ‘let’s get people in the stadium quick, and have them spending money on food and drink there’ issue? Answers on a postcard, addressed to ‘Dodgers fleecing fans competition’…

Meanwhile Milton Bradley was in trouble this week for gesturing to Texas Rangers fans that there was one out left in the inning. I mean, that’s what he was doing, right? Right? You mean…? No! But those baseball players are such nice fellows with their slow, easy pace of life, aren’t they?

And finally, a feelgood story. It’s off the field, it’s in the minors, but what do we care? We love some baseball heroism in this fair column, and so we particularly enjoyed this story. Pitcher Curt Petersen, in awesome style, averted a robbery of a woman, April Dixon, in his local Walmart. Petersen takes up the story: “This guy came up behind her and grabbed her purse and her keys. She was yelling, ‘Help! Help! Help!’ I thought maybe it was just a joke. … I thought maybe they were messing around. But then she got knocked down, and I knew it wasn’t a joke.

“I was like, ‘What are you doing?’ And he said, ‘I’m taking her car.’ And I was like, ‘No, you’re not.’ I had a hold of him, and he threw the keys back to the lady and said, ‘All right, all right, just let me go.’ And I said, ‘I don’t think so.’”

And then the glorious final quote. “It was interesting, I just went to the Walmart for toilet paper, and then all this happens.” Curt, we salute you.

Apologies (not least to Matt and the other more reliable writers here) for the column failing to appear last week. With impeccable timing, just as the season began, real life reared its ugly head and before I knew it I just wasn’t going to get anything written. Do note, I am now sat in the corner of the BaseballGB classroom, writing ‘Must try harder’ 50 times. See you next week.

Out of Left Field: Violence! Italics! A complete lack of real news!

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MlbHlSqHas real baseball started yet? Spring training was fine for a while, but I’m now well and truly ready for some baseball that actually matters. I’m even getting tired of saying I’m tired of waiting for some real baseball. And I’m sure you’re getting tired or reading of people getting tired of…oh, you get the picture.

If nothing else, from Opening Day on, there will be something of substance for your faithful columnist to write about, so he will no longer have to scour the internet for the tiniest of comedy sporting scraps. So, there you have it. The baseball season needs to start already, so you good people have something of substance to read from me, rather than this blithering and blathering each week. I mean, what was last week’s post all about?

So, what have I got for you hardy souls still reading this nonsense, then? Well, I’ve tried the sex angle with ‘More Ozzie, More Knuckleballs, Added Lingerie’ and I’m sure the dirtier minds among you thought ‘Double Fantasy’ might be a little saucy.  So, how about this week we go for a little violence? Think you’re ready for that, huh? Huh?

Violence (unintentional, our lawyers hasten to add) this week in spring training, as the Minnesota Twins’ Denard Span managed to hit his own mother with a foul ball. Ouch. Luckily she was fine, so we are free to bust out the hilarity guilt-free.

Span rushed to check his mother was OK straight away, so we can rule out any possible retaliation for getting grounded in his youth. However, I bet there will be some awkward scenes at the next Span family gathering. How do you deal with hitting your own mother? She should confiscate his bat, really, she should. Naughty boy.

Fancy more violence, you gorehounds? Well I’m glad you chorused “Yes! We want blood and/or guts!” as I have some further bloodshed for you, this time of the intentional variety. Jeff Francoeur is developing an interesting motivational strategy for his fellow Mets, this week revealing that, in order to help pitcher Mike Pelfrey step up his intensity, he will try the following:

“I think what I’m going to do before each start is just go up and just punch him in the face.”

Sadly, if you follow the link, that writer has already used the gag that Francouer would probably swing and miss. As a loyal Mets fan, I wouldn’t go for such a cheap joke like that. No, never. But I might suggest to Francouer that punching your team mates in the face might not be a means of getting the best out of them. However, if his season starts badly, I might encourage him, as sooner or later someone will hit him right back.

And, thinking about it, it might help the Mets on their quest for accumulating the longest disabled list in the history of baseball. Which is probably the only title they’ll win this year. Boom-tish.

On that horrible note, I think I’ll end it there. You people have suffered enough. But not for much longer folks, pretty soon there will be real, genuine baseball to soothe your pain and all will be right with the world. Until you read next week’s missive, that is. Believe me, it’s going to even more painful. With even more italics.

Out of Left Field: Double Fantasy

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MlbHlSqAs the wait for Opening Day gets ever more interminable there’s really been only one event on the lips of every intelligent baseball fan. Yes, that’s right, everyone has been talking about the 2010 BaseballGB fantasy draft. As the shockwaves still reverberate from last’s week’s events, many people are asking themselves “Who should I support this year?”

Well, the simple answer is to be on the side of truth, love and justice and get behind your loyal correspondent’s almighty team, the Pretzel Vendors. You’ll be wowed by the power, stunned by the speed and frankly underwhelmed by the pitching staff. And while in no position to divulge all my deepest, darkest managing secrets, I thought I would allow you, my loyal readers, a sneak peek behind the Vendors’ curtain.

So, get yourself some snacks and maybe a tasty beverage, get comfy and settle down to an exclusive question, and indeed, answer session with your new favourite fantasy baseball manager.

Hi Steve, how’s tricks?

Not bad, thank you. Although I must admit it does feel a little odd interviewing myself.

Really?

Well, not that odd, I guess. You see, many a time I have binged on Championship Manager/Football Manager and found myself conducting a post-match press conference in my kitchen.

So, how have you found the transition from being the manager of one sport to another?

Oh, not too bad. Generally it’s all about killing time staring at a screen full of stats, isn’t it? And I’m pretty sure the talking to myself in the kitchen will continue.

I suppose this sort of thing can take over your life?

It certainly can. And those pesky baseballers don’t help, with their insistence on playing each and every day. There’s no let up for a manager is there? In fact, it is far too easy to get obsessive.

How so?

Well, take my team’s name, the Pretzel Vendors. First, I was just stuck for a name. I thought back to catching the Mets at Shea Stadium, and how what really, reallyimpressed me was the fact that there were men employed purely to bring food and drink to me at my seat. The team was named in their honour. But it didn’t stop there. Oh no. Before I knew it, I imagined that Pretzel was so much more than a bread-based snack.

Oh yes, in my mind Pretzel was now a German immigrant town in the Mid West, with the Vendors as its long-established and long-suffering team. I was creating a whole backstory for the team and the town, right up to me being appointed as their plucky new manager. I’m determined not to let the good people of Pretzel down. They’ve been through so much.

Right…

It’s doesn’t stop there.

Oh dear.

No, now I have all of my drafted players wandering around my head in some sort of cerebral spring training.

Sounds painful.

There’s my star players taking hitting practice, admiring each others swings. There, in the corner, are my pitching staff, grumbling that they don’t get enough attention or credit, while also fearful that I might bring in a new pitching ace. There’s by bench players, constantly glancing in my direction, eager to impress.

I guess you get attached to players.

Of course, I can’t help it. That was the one blessing of me missing the draft and relying on my pre-draft settings. It stopped sentiment getting in the way. I’ve still got a couple of old friendly faces on board from my 2009 MLB fantasy team. That’s reassuring. They’ll let the other guys know I’m not so bad.

You’re just a little crazy, aren’t you?

Maybe. But then you need to be a little crazy to take on this job, don’t you think? And I’m not the one talking to myself, am I?

Er…well…

What? Why are you looking at me funny?

I’m going now. Bye.

Bye!

Out of Left Field – More Ozzie, More Knuckleballs, Added Lingerie

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MlbHlSqBad week at work? Well, unless you’ve been caught up in a narcotics scandal, your week probably hasn’t been half as bad as that of Texas Rangers’ manager, Ron Washington. As you’ve probably heard by now, it finally emerged that he tested positive for cocaine in July last year. Add to that rumours of blackmail, and we obviously a shocking story. So, who should we turn to in these troubling times? I think the only option is to turn to this column’s spiritual guide, Chicago White Sox manager, Ozzie Guillen, and find out what he has to say on the matter. This is well worth quoting in full, and not just to boost up my word count. Honestly.

“We’re not invisible. It’s one of those things that makes you shake your head and say, ‘It can happen to anyone.’ One thing about it, it ain’t going to happen to me, I guarantee you that. I grew up in some bad stuff, I know how that stuff is so bad. I support him. He made a mistake. I’m not saying he did the right thing, but in the meanwhile, we can’t turn our back against him. They know Major League Baseball isn’t playing around. They’re serious about it.”

And then here’s the kicker. Wait for it.

“As long as they don’t check for Vodka and Corona I’ll be fine.”

Great to see our Ozzie bring some thoughtful analysis to this. I guess Washington should have stuck to the hard booze, rather than trying the hard drugs, eh?

Texas Rangers’ third baseman Michael Young was one of my fantasy baseball mainstays last year, in that he managed to stay healthy and not be completely hopeless. With that in mind, I was always going to have a soft spot for the guy. But now, he’s in line for any possible future Out of Left Field Hall of Fame (now how’s that for an egocentric idea?). In training this past week Young popped up on the mound and broke out his stuff. And here’s the really good bit. He threw the greatest of all pitches – yes, you guessed it – the KNUCKLEBALL! I can’t get enough of that crazy pitch, and I can’t get enough of these stories of players goofing off, and y’know, seeming human. Good work, Michael.

Lord knows there’s not enough baseball merchandise out there. We really need some more, don’t we? Well, MLB and Victoria’s Secret have come together to help us out. Thank goodness. But let’s not get carried away with thoughts of a Nationals negligee, Los Angeles Angels lingerie or a San Francisco Giants g-string (oh, alliteration, the friend of the tired writer! However, I drew the line at a Baltimore Bra. Oh). No, I’m afraid this stuff is even worse. We’ve got ourselves some cutesy stuff with some horrible slogans, including the choice “I only kiss Padres fans”. Imagine if someone caught you wearing that (presuming you’re a lady, if not, well, we all have our weekend activities, right?) and that person knew nothing about baseball. They would think you had some bizarre religious kink or something. I think even if they knew the Padres were a baseball team, they would probably think you were pretty weird. I mean, who’d kiss a Padres fan?

Anyway, make your correspondent’s day and do leave a comment. It’s great to hear from y’all. If you’re feeling really kind, let me know about any fun, silly or strange stories you’ve come across this week. Let’s make this corner of the web our little community of baseball fans who like the weird and wonderful. We’ll virtually group-hug and everything.

Have a good week, until next week.

Out of Left Field: Twitter, baseball and how Ozzie Guillen has got it just right

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MlbHlSqThis column is down with the social network kids, y’know. You can find me on the ol’ twitter here. You’ll find me tweeting away like the little birdy that I am, amongst the myriad baseball tweeters discussing every little thing in 140 character outbursts. Alternatively, if you want someone who knows what they’re talking about then you need to start following Matt, of this here parish. So, in the spirit of these exciting times, here’s an Out of Left Field Special Edition on the world of twitter and baseball.

If you want an insight into the crazy world of Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen (and believe me, you really do), then you need to haul yourself over to his twitter page.

There you’ll read such gems as:

  • Where is my guy arsenio hall my favorite show in the 80s
  • Today is the birthday of one of my favorite people ever frank you are the best happy birthday my great friend and is not thomas
  • Sean penn defended chavez is easy when you have money and no leave in out country shame on you mr penn
  • (and one for all you Spanish speakers) Que payaso el gringuito que vive bien chevre en estados unidos

In years to come, people will return to these pearls of wisdom to guide them through baseball, and indeed, through life. Why the White Sox won’t let him have his own website, we’ll never know. I hope it’s just because they are holding out for a fly-on-the-wall documentary series. Or a book deal. Ozzie, we salute you!

While Guillen is the apparent King of Twitter, he’s not the only baseball personality on there. I guess it’s the ideal time-killer during those lazy, hazy days of spring training.

Nick Swisher certainly seems like a friendly fellow, with his Whats up everyone? How’s your day going? And Hey everyone! Checking in what are you all up to tonight? I guess not all those damn Yankees are evil after all. It’s good to see a player reaching out a little, rather than just navel-gazing.

Mark Teahen appeals to my inner quiz geek with regular questions of the day, asking followers to attribute the quote, such as “Go tell Bruce Bochy to throw his hat on the field so we can play under it and avoid this rain.” Sadly, I haven’t a clue with any of them, and so I’m more and more drawn to his bio: “It’s a bitch bein’ a bitch but I’m making the most of it. When life gives you a bone, chew it.” Er…thanks Mark!

Washington Nationals’ new boy Chien Ming Wang is far more matter-of-fact: I have decided to sign with the Washington Nationals. I am eager to move forward with my career. Thank you for your support! No bizarre attacks on Sean Penn from him, no sir.

Tampa Bay Rays’ Manager, Joe Maddon, is a genuinely good person to follow on twitter, from time to time offering some real insight into how things are going for him and his team, and also offering some nifty advice on wine. I hope he manages to keep it up this year. He may be no Ozzie, but I guess there can only be one Ozzie, right?

While there are plenty of automated feeds, little-used accounts or plain dull ones, twitter does, at least on occasion, offer us a sneaky peek behind the curtain and find out what is actually going on, on the pitch and inside the participants’ heads. As the twitter phenomenon grows it will be interesting to see if MLB and the clubs generally try and curb activity, for fear of scandal and bad PR, or whether they allow players and managers to harness social media to the best effect. It’s easy to feel distant to these multi-millionaire sportsmen. At least twitter brings them a little closer and makes them feel a little more human. And that can’t hurt.

So, folks, who do you cyber-stalk on twitter? Or, perhaps you’ve found some baseballers lurking on Facebook or MySpace or Bebo? Why not save your poor correspondent from doing any actual research and let him know in the comments below?

Have a good week, until next week.

Out of Left Field: Spring training – it’s all about the livestock

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MlbHlSqPeople! Enough of the speculating, the postulating and the ruminating. Enough of the rumour-mongering and number-crunching. Finally, finally, you good, good people – we have some baseball to watch. Yes, my friends, spring training has begun! And ain’t it grand?

Spring training is the one time of year where you can watch your team play without worrying that they might ruin their playoff hopes, or dip beneath .500. This is baseball, but without the emotional commitment. Sure, you might get excited, or disappointed, or annoyed, but then that little light-bulb flashes above your head – ping! – It doesn’t matter at all!

This beautiful time of year allows us to ease our way back in to watching baseball. We can let it drift over us, we can dip in and out, or we can bail in the fifth inning when we don’t recognise anybody. Alternatively, we can keep watching, to see the stars of tomorrow and the stars that never will be. Ah, the freedom and the hope of spring training.

But enough of my jaw-jawing, I’m guessing you’re chomping at the bit for some wacky baseball news, right? How did I guess?

First off, not everybody is so excited about baseball starting again. Take the Houston Astros’ Carlos Lee, who has skipped training to go to the rodeo. Lee is a cattle rancher in his spare time (we all need hobbies, right?) and so headed off to the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. As you do, at the beginning of a new season. Manager Brad Mills doesn’t seem to mind, though: “It’s not something that just came up. We had discussed it when he first got here and it’s fine; there’s no problem.” Cool. I wonder what other excuses players can use to get out of work? State fair? Comic book convention? Garage sale? Suggestions welcome!

This week’s crazy injury time. Toronto Blue Jays’ Brett Cecil cut himself in a, and I quote, “kitchen-type accident”. Luckily, there’s no indication that the injury is serious, so we’re free to make fun. “Kitchen-type accident”? I don’t quite understand. Does that mean it was the type of accident that could take place in a kitchen, but took place elsewhere? Was he somewhere that was just masquerading as a kitchen, but all along wasn’t one? Answers on a postcard, please.

This column is all about the equal opportunities, so how about this? A female knuckleballer from Japan, Eri Yoshida, met Tim Wakefield, after she had spent the winter pitching in the independent Arizona Winter League. Yoshida had taught herself the pitch by watching Wakefield on television, and is doing her best to cross the gender lines in professional baseball. A berth in the MLB may be a way off yet, but it’s still a pretty cool story. I’m especially pleased she learned the knuckleball, the funkiest of all pitches, don’t you know.

Another pitcher is in this week’s fashion corner, with this bizarre little video of Tim Lincecum modelling a San Francisco Giants Snuggie. I’m really not sure what to make of it, but I do know this, Lincecum is far, far removed from your bog-standard ballplayer. In fact, on the evidence of the video, he may be some sort of slacker wizard. It’s always a breath of fresh air to come across an awesome sportsman who isn’t as dull as dishwater. And it makes writing this column a whole lot easier too. Thanks Tim, you crazy guy!

Well, that’s me done for another week, I’m off, to do my homework.

Have a good week, until next week.